Sunday, February 15, 2015

Fate, Begone!

I used to think Fate had it in for me, I even started a story in my mind showing Fate as an actual entity. The thing is, people get in my way. It happens everywhere I go. I walk down a seemingly empty hallway, but when I come to a door or a perpendicular corridor, someone is there blocking my way. I'm trying to cross a street that seems not so busy, then 5 cars show up out of nowhere to keep me from crossing.

I kept imagining that Fate had something in store for me, if I just waited a few more seconds. Never was that more clear than the time I was hit by the car. In my dreams I see Fate as benevolent when his 'suggestions' are followed, but cruel when I make up my mind that I'm going to push forward. So in my mind, Fate ordered that girl to run me down.

Violent fantasies aside, the truth is, I have a generally good perception of what and who are around me. I saw that car coming, but was trapped in traffic.

But it's in my nature to avoid contact. So I can see those who barrel through hallways and make the adjustments without thinking to avoid them. I pull back, I stop, I move to avoid a collision. Well, except that one time.

I wonder, though, if this is part of my senses. And often I wonder: Is this a good thing? Yeah, I'm avoiding a collision, possible avoiding a fight over personal space, but there have been missed opportunities when I 'hesitated.' And yes, according to the old adage, I have hesitated and I have lost.

But I have survived.

And you know what? I'm tired of just surviving. I want to explore my new domain in Boston without being forced to play by somebody else's rules. Oh, I'll still be careful and plan things out as best I can, but I'd like to be more spontaneous than before. So, Fate Begone! I am the master of my own destiny.