Say That With a Smile on Your Face! First Impressions of Dentures.

Today I received my dentures and had a decent-looking smile for the first time in my life.

All through the process of getting my teeth removed, letting my gums heal and going through the impression and fitting process, this is what I was ultimately shooting for.

So with all that done, was it a good thing in the end?

Billy Crystal used to do a character on SNL called 'Fernando', whose motto was 'it is always better to look good than to feel good.' That is what I'm living at the moment in my first few hours with dentures.

During the fitting stage, I was struck by how thick and bulky the model was. But I consoled myself by thinking that the finished product would be lighter and thinner. I was wrong. Don't get me wrong, overall I think it looks great, but it doesn't feel great. The denture set is made of hard plastic that really makes it feel uncomfortable in my mouth if I do anything other than keep my mouth shut, which was kind of the whole point to getting dentures in the first place, amiright?

The biggest problem from my perspective is the hard plastic palate on the top plate. I know that it takes time to adjust but I have no love for that hard plastic feel. I've tried to talk, and I'm reminded of the bug wearing the 'Edgar suit' in MIB. The way he talks, the difficulties he has are similar to what I've experienced so far.

In other words, I'm going to have to learn how to talk all over again if I'm to be understood. While waiting for the bus to take me away from the dentist, I tried practicing the old lines 'She sells seashells by the seashore,' something I probably repeated often as a kid to get away from my stuttering. I had to experiment with where my tongue went to get a consistent 's' sound. The problem is that the teeth are not static and the spot changes from moment to moment.

So therapy time again.

Then I tried to eat for the first time. I was told by my dentist to cut up my food and chew from the back. That seemed somewhat pointless to me, but I found out why. Take your tongue or your finger and rub it against your teeth. You can not only feel your teeth on your tongue or finger, you can feel your tongue and finger on your teeth. There are nerves on it. When you eat, you can feel the food against your teeth.

With dentures, you have no such nerves, and the first time I bit down on some food, it was like I had no control. Add that hard palate there and moving the food around while chewing it becomes difficult. It sticks to the dentures.

Well, I knew getting used to it would be difficult, but I was really hoping it would be easier than it will be. The problem is everything feels so solid. If it gave a little, I'd be happier, but then the dentures probably wouldn't last long. The strange part is, it's only an issue on the top set. If I take the top out and leave the bottom, I'm fine.

Smiling it actually a bit harder than I expected. My bottom lip doesn't want to show the bottom teeth as well as I'd like.

It really makes me think that the whole I Choose Not To Talk campaign will become 'I don't have a choice, I can't talk with these damn teeth in my mouth!' So I'd better hope that campaign succeeds!

But I am nothing if not adaptive. I will make this work, because at the very least, I don't have the constant pain in my mouth because I no longer have rotting teeth there. So forgive me if you call and you can't understand a word I say!

A New Venture...or Adventure?

A few days back I posted a blog where I basically said I'd had it with customer service. Out of that blog, comes a new venture. 'I Choose Not To Talk,' which is an organization where I want to highlight the differences between extroverts vs introverts.

There is a website, which needs work, a youtube site (see above), and an Indiegogo page, asking for donations.

There's even a blog just for that, at ichoosenottotalk.wordpress.com.

That's all. You may go about your business. I've done my job here, the rest will be done elsewhere!

Thanks for reading!

Top Five: Why I Should or Should Not Work Customer Service

I have been trying to find work since I left my last employer, Xerox, in March 2011. I've already told my story about Xerox, and it seems to be my most popular blog. Since then I've put in application after application, and only received one interview, and I didn't get that job.

So I've been reviewing every aspect of my life lately to see why I'm not getting interviews for customer service positions, when I obviously have the experience.

Also I've been soul searching as to whether or not I really want to do customer service any more. I was reading the other day about SSDI and what would qualify me for benefits. They look beyond the injury to see if I can still do the kind of work I've been doing. The article also mentioned that the final result would not take into consideration how difficult it has been for me to find a job.

That got me thinking: Can I still do Customer Service? Could I ever do Customer Service? So without further ado, here are the

Top Five Reasons Why I Should Not Work Customer Service

5. It Makes Me Sick.

I've worked at call centers since 2001, longer if you count a brief strike at US West where I filled in for striking reps. At every stop along the road, I've had severe migraines. They don't start right away, these migraines are nefarious. I can make it through training, and a few weeks of steady call flow before they start to appear. When I started getting them, I thought they were sinus headaches and took all kinds of medicines to cure them. That didn't help.  So I went to a doctor, who told me they were indeed migraines and gave me medicine for them, that really didn't help much. The problem is not with my brain, it is with the stress that the job creates. If you doubt Customer Service is a stressful vocation, read this. 

Now, it is not the customer service aspect of the job that is stressful to me and causes the headaches. It is the phone contact. I had a wonderful job for my first 3 months working for Sento in Raleigh (now Total Outsourced Systems) where I participated in online chats with customers of Overstock.com. I literally had a dream job, where I could listen to music, 'chat' with customers over the internet in a text interface, and literally not have to talk. Then Christmas came around and everyone was put on the phones. The chat was outsourced to India. Funny, that. Overstock.com outsourced the customer service to Sento, then outsourced it again to India. Well how's that for irony?

But that wasn't the only position at Sento I had that I enjoyed. I worked for a time after Overstock for a rebate processor, first over the phones, then as a Mentor where I answered emails all day and took supervisor calls, which lessened my customer contact. But in that case, I had stress from a supervisor that didn't see eye to eye with me, increasing the stress and affecting my health, and I stopped being the mentor and went back on the phones.

Strangely enough, every job I've had since has been a phone job. Either I'm a glutton for punishment (which I am not) or the only work I could find was customer service, because that's where my experience came from. So despite the fact that it made me sick, I continued to work customer service.

4. I'm Not Enthusiastic. 

I ain't no freakin' cheerleader! ;-) I speak with a quiet, reasoned voice. Some people think I sound younger than I am. Good for them. I went to an interview back in May where the interviewer told me they were looking for enthusiasm.  I tried to play along, I couldn't force myself.

3. I Don't Like to Talk.

If you know me at all, you know I'm a very quiet person. I've been like that my whole life. I don't apologize for being that way. At several points in my life, I've considered shutting up altogether and going through life with a stack of cards that would read like this:

I do not talk.

I can speak, read and write.

I can hear and understand you just fine.

When I speak, it is with a soft voice. 

I am frequently drowned out by everyone else.

So I choose not to talk.

Please understand.

I've thought about making an app (there's an app for that) for those that choose not to speak. It would contain basic answers to frequently asked questions, menu choices from frequented restaurants, and perhaps vocalizations with a pleasant gender-appropriate voice. Or I could print out a stack of cards that will do the same thing. I'm tempted to make a video of me doing that, if I still had my camera and the resources to print the cards.

But in the world of Customer Service, you must talk. You must be enthusiastic (see 4). You must be friendly. I wouldn't say I'm the human equivalent to Grumpy Cat, but it's hard for me to be friendly when someone is calling me an idiot because I can't get his computer to work.

I stutter. It doesn't happen as often as it used to, but if I get rattled, it happens. I've been ridiculed over the phone because of it. That does not make me a happy camper. That increases my stress, which gives me migraines. (See 5)

Of course, at the moment I have no teeth. I will be getting dentures, but even then I may not be able to speak as clearly as I used to. All the more reason not to talk.

2. I am Not a Team Player

Actually, that's not exactly true. I can get along with people. But I prefer to work alone. I am not, however, the type to make small talk. I'm not overly friendly, I am not going to ask how your children are or ooh and ahh at their pictures. Let me do my work and I'll be as happy as a clam.

And the Number One Reason Why I Should Not Work Customer Service:

1. I'm Too Good!

Seriously, if it were not for the migraines I'd be content with the job. That's one of the weak points of my personality type, and why I've been content to look for jobs in this market for this long. Despite the fact that most employers are looking for young, enthusiastic reps, I still perform well overall, because I am consistent, I am calm over the phone and I can take a beating and still say 'Thank you for calling!'

As such, since I'm really getting nowhere in customer service and in fact, I get sicker with every new job, if SSDI decides I do not qualify for benefits because I can still do the same work I could before, I shall present them with this article, along with proof of my migraines.

I will no longer apply for customer service positions.

But that doesn't mean that I am incapable of working. so let's explore:

The Top 5 Reasons Why You Should Hire Me

 as long as it's not for customer service. ;-)

5. I Work Hard.

Give me a task, and watch me do it. Or better yet, leave me to the task and it will be done even faster. I am capable of great feats of concentration, even multi-tasking. I regularly sit at a computer for hours without taking a break, as long as the task is interesting and I have the skills. And oh boy...

4. I Have Skills.

If we limit the scope of my skills or potential skills to just computers, I could literally do anything at all computer-related. But my skills go far beyond that. I have writing skills. Wanna see a few samples? Well read the rest of this blog. Read my books at Amazon.com. Read my screenplays. Don't know where to find them? Ask! 

A lot of companies make a big deal out of personality tests these days. I took one a few days ago and promptly was rejected. Something in the way I answered the questions didn't mesh with their expectations. So let's talk about personality. I am quiet. I don't talk much. I am creative. I see things a lot of people don't. I listen, observe and react in an appropriate fashion. I am honest, which is one reason why I didn't get that job, I suppose. I could lie, and choose the aspects you want me to have, but then I'd feel bad. I am intelligent, I'd like to think. I like to think! I like to imagine. I can put myself in other people's shoes.

I went to the NCworks.gov website. They allow you to post a resume, and you can add a description of your work, that the site uses to see if you are a match for other jobs. My first time through, it said I didn't have the skills necessary to be a customer service agent. So I went through their list of skills and added everything that I could do. Now it says I match for skills, but not in personality. Not a big thing, I don't want to work customer service any more. But the fact is, adding those skills made me somewhat more marketable. 

Here's a list of what I put on it: Edited Wrote Authored Communicated Composed Revised Conceptualized Created Produced 

Reviewed Researched  Write,

Interviewed Articulated Referred Listened Reported Clarified Resolved Collaborated Responded 

Communicated Solicited 

Explained Spoke Observed Consulted Contacted Persuaded Influenced Convinced Promoted 

Corresponded Proposed Acted 

Customized Adapted Addressed Performed Solved Adjusted Administered Analyzed Corrected 

Reduced Assessed Researched 

Adapted Answered Counseled Guided Represented Arranged Demonstrated Helped Resolved 

Assessed Diagnosed Assisted 

Educated Cared.

I like that last one, Cared. I do care.

3. I Have Talent.

A lot of people confuse skills and talent. Let me define them as I see them. Skills are the ability to do a specific task. A skill is learned through experience. Talent is the ability to move past skills to a 'higher plane' of work. In my case, my talents include creative writing. Being creative is something you are born with. Skills can be learned, and honed, but  being creative is something you have or haven't. No amount of training will make you creative.

2. I Live Outside the Box.

A lot of people say 'think outside the box.' I live there. It goes along with talent. My thought process puts me on different planets, within the bodies of aliens, male and female, in different situations, finding solutions to made up problems. I've lived lives over and over again, born, lived, died, moved on to another life and start the process over and over again, just in the last week. Think how I could positively affect a company that is tired of the same old, same old.

1. I'm the Protagonist. I Want to Make a Difference.

The simple fact is, I'm tired, mentally and physically, of spinning my wheels doing jobs that are under-appreciated. I want to make a difference in the lives of everyone I touch, and that is one reason why I write, that and my brain won't let me stop. It took me 36 years to start to tap my creativity, though my mind had been bugging me practically since birth, and write my first book. I haven't stopped ever since coming up with different plots and outcomes, and you know what? In every case the protagonist wants to make a difference in the world. That's me. I'm the protagonist. I want my ideas to have an impact on the world. That's why I share them here. That's what makes me valuable to any employer. I don't keep my ideas to myself. I'm not looking for wealth or power. Grant me the ability to use my creative mind in a comfortable surrounding, and I'll be happy with that, and my performance will prove it.

I didn't write this blog to blow up bridges or to keep employers from hiring me. I want to be honest about what you're getting if you do hire me.

Novel Excerpt: Sins of the Father

The following is a brief except from a work-in-progress based on a screenplay I wrote. The book has gone far more in depth than the screenplay, though I'm likely to do a rewrite of the screenplay to better match the book. But a little background into the story is necessary to comprehend it:

John Smith had an out of body experience a few years before this excerpt. In the experience he had visions of the future and of something called a nanosoul, an artificial soul. He had the ability to implant that soul into unborn children, and move his soul into those bodies, and also had the ability to draw a corrupted soul from a body and implant a nanosoul. By corrupted, he finds that a soul has become black, and is being slowly eaten away by 'the darkness', which plays heavily into my song 'Free'.

So the gist of the story to this point is he has installed nanosouls into 18 or so bodies, which his soul can inhabit at any time, and he is 'soul searching' (pun intended) on whether he is doing the right thing, who is guiding him and what he needs to do next. He is currently using the very deep mind of a 5 year old boy to ponder is dilemma.

Who am I? Am I some 66 year old man trapped in a young boy's body? And would that really qualify as trapped? Am I a 6 year old cutie/doctor? A 5 year old psychic lesbian? I've been in all those bodies and more, but who am I? What was I before this all happened, before John even? I know I had to exist prior to this, it just fits too well. Has this been possible before or has technology finally caught up with the soul? I manufactured hundreds, going on thousands of nanosouls, but who or what made mine? Is this a divine purpose? Am I fighting the devil in the form of the darkness? Maybe that's what the devil was all along. And God? Is God the light? The voice spoke to me as if there were others. That would disappoint the Christians and the Jews, let alone the Muslims. I've never been very religious, but I can't simply ignore religions. The families take their children to church or synagogue. Why don't Karen or I? Karen's soul looks like an angel. Is that significant or some manifestation of my imagination? Or hers, for that matter? I just don't know enough.

Let's stick to one topic: Who am I? In John I've always been shy, hard-working, a leader from behind. Do this, don't do that. Never 'Will you do this?' I've been polite, but I know what I want - or I used to. That's the problem: I don't know what I want anymore. I just feel a sense of duty. That's who I am: duty. But to whom? To Karen and the children; all the children. What happens when they grow older? Will I still tell them what to do? Is it fair to them to sacrifice a  normal life? For what? For whom? They have no will. If I give them free will, will they still want to do it? If they did, it would be because of a sense of duty. I hate circular logic.

Let's start again. What do I want? I want... I want to be a writer, to be a doctor, a master of physics, math and music; an inventor of things that will help humanity, bring peace to the world, free us from the daily drugery of life and let us explore the boundaries we've established, conquer the impossible. 

So how do we start that? Silly me, we've already started the process. But the cost worries me. Not the monetary costs. If I had my way... Yeah, I do have my way. The island will be currency free, build by androids. We'll grow our own food, purify our own water, make everything we need. We don't need the outside world, they need us.

The cost still worries me. The cost in taken souls. Can I really be said to have killed anyone? The bodies are still alive. If there's a soul left after the darkness eats it away, I'll rehabilitate it, like Natalie. But if the truth got out... The power hungry will want it, the soulless will want to stop it, and those that don't understand will call me a mass murderer. We need protection. We don't need weapons, just a way to keep them out, keep out their weapons. Jenny can work on that. Think small... think small. 

Where's that damned island?

Pushed By the Wayside Again

Homelessness is a serious problem. I've been homeless now since 2010, off and on. I blame no one but myself for being homeless. I just need help getting out of the rut that I'm in.

And therein lies the problem. People who are not homeless might sympathize with me, but somehow that problem keeps getting pushed aside - literally in the case of Columbia South Carolina, where it is now illegal to be homeless and be downtown at all.

So people would rather ignore the problem of homelessness, or think it's someone else's problem rather than one they could act on. Sure, church groups feed the homeless, but do they offer permanent housing to them? And the simple fact is, if you take all the money spent on 'helping' homeless, like in shelters and soup kitchens and clothing drives and everything else being done for homeless people and concentrate it on housing, training and health care, including mental health, you'd solve the problem in no time flat.

But no, the solutions offered are all stop-gap methods of placating the homeless, not curing their real problems.

If you concentrated on making the homeless self-sufficient, there would be no problems that didn't involve mental illness, which is another whole animal.

How about giving homeless hiring advantages/preferences to city, state and county jobs? Assuming they have the basic qualifications, it would be solving two problems at once.

Frankly, I'm tired of playing the game. I'm supposed to go one place to get food stamps, another to get lunch for free. I'm supposed to be mobile enough to look for work, but the number of bus passes available is extremely limited and walking is so severely limiting in how far away I can go, and bad for the health of a diabetic.

And I know that there are a lot of important things going on right now. I read the news. I know there's a lot on people's minds. But please don't push aside this problem, because it will come right back. As long as nothing is done about it, it's like a slinky going down the stairs. It may seem like it's going away, but until a permanent solution that does not involve shooing us out of town is found, we'll come right back. We are a NATIONAL problem, not local. There should be a NATIONAL solution, not local, and limiting stays in shelters is not the solution. Finding permanent homes is the solution. Please get to work on that, and leave the other politics for another time.

Even in my case, with a Section 8 voucher in hand, I am having difficulties finding an affordable apartment that has openings. Think how bad it is for those that do not have a voucher. Please concentrate. This is important. It will only get worse. And then it will cost more money.

Addendum: I'm not sure I got my point across yesterday. So here goes again. Homelessness is an important issue, and I think some people agree with that, but something seems to always be more important than someone else being homeless, unless that someone is you. I understand that things happen in life that take precedence and I'm not saying we're more important that life-threatening emergencies, but as Frank Lawrence, the director at the shelter says, (paraphrasing) we, the homeless, have to treat the shelter as an emergency, and not as a permanent solution. That said, I'm not altogether sure the shelter is abiding by that, because they simply don't help enough. And if the shelter staff don't help enough, how can anyone expect the rest of the country to treat it as the emergency that it is. I'm panicking because I'm running out of time myself. And I have a means of getting out. But no one else sees that. That is the real problem. No one sees it as an emergency and most people really hope it will go away on its own. That kind of thinking really needs to stop.

The Birds and the Bees

As I waited for the bus today, I noticed several bumblebees visiting flowers around the bus stop. I was pleased because they chose to do things the old-fashioned way instead of visiting the garbage cans at Moore Square like I've seen hundreds of bees do. I saw an article in The Independent Magazine about honey and how bees in different counties make different color honey depending on the local flora. I wondered what color trash-borne honey is.

As part of my ritual lately, I've been buying a morning sandwich from a local convenience store with my meager Food Stamp money ($200/month, which doesn't go far when you buy $3.00 sandwiches), which may be in danger of not being filled this month because of glitches in the Food Stamp software North Carolina uses.

Part of the ritual with the sandwiches is I share the crust with the birds that gather at Moore Square. I do this partly because I've had half my teeth removed and the other half will be removed shortly. Vocation Rehab came through on that necessity. Anyway, getting back to the birds: They know who I am, and they've been watching for me. Often one or several will see me and fly down in anticipation. This is fine when I have crust to share, but when they see me in the afternoon, I don't have such gifts. I feel so bad for them.

Yesterday, there was literally a whole flock of them waiting for me. It was a bright morning and their shadows against a wall made it seem like there were twice as many there. They had quite a battle for my crusts.

It occurred to me then, that the homeless men I see all the time aren't so different. They're waiting for a handout, and when they get it, they battle for position and possession. I've seen food brought out into the cafeteria, some extra food donated by one group or another, and a seemingly empty cafeteria will suddenly fill, and the food will be gone in seconds - literally.

Even for the regular scheduled meal times, people will jockey for position as they wait for the food to be served. The usual method of waiting is to sit on the bench leading to the door to the kitchen. People will not just sit on the bench, but around the bench too, rather than stand in line with the other, more patient people. I have to say, that irks me. In all the time I've been coming to SWSC, they've never run out of food during feeding time, even if the food sucks. What difference does it make if you get in the front or not? If they try to stand in front of me, they get an earful.

But in the end, we all get fed, and I do my share to feed the birds and bees too. But I have to say I'm really looking forward to leaving the shelter, hopefully for the last time.

An End To Homelessness For Me?

Yesterday I went to a meeting where I received my Section 8 Voucher for finding an apartment. I'll be working with the shelter to get help paying the application fee and security deposit for the shelter. But all in all, it looks like my 2 and a half year struggle with homelessness is about to come to an end. I am, needless to say, delighted, but I figure the shelter staff is probably happier. They were going to throw me out on August 31 anyway.

Update: Over the last couple of days I've perused various sites and booklets looking for an apartment that takes Section 8 but is within the $526/month limit I have to work with. Nothing so far, and that is somewhat frustrating, because many of the apartments on the list RHA gave me are for elderly (i.e. 62+) and I don't qualify for them. I know there are apartments that I can use, but I have to dig deeper than I'd hoped. I'll have to get recommendations from others.