The Evolution of My Sanity

I was bored the other day and started looking at my blog archives. When I started this blog I was working for Alpine Access, from home. I didn't get out much because it was cold and I was poor. But I was working, and playing, and writing (Oh My!).

The first blogs were me explaining myself, my personality, a little about my job and a little about my gaming. Then things started getting serious as I became homeless for the first time in 5 years.

I realized that I have not had a 'permanent' home since 2010. I've lived outside the shelter for short periods. But I haven't had a place to call my own in that long.

Maybe that's for the best for me. I've found if I'm too comfortable then I don't want things to change. And I DO want things to change. I want my writing to be 'discovered' and paid for. I want my videos to be 'discovered' and generate ad income. I want - in short - for people to discover me, and that is what bothers me the most - not that I haven't been discovered so much but that I'd WANT to be discovered.

I've been an introvert my entire life. I don't even know how anyone can be anything but an introvert or an extrovert, but apparently it's possible for some people to switch between worlds. But the point is, I'd like nothing better than to be alone for the better part of my life. But sadly for me, unless you inherit money, and I didn't, you gotta work to pay the bills, or live off the land, which I'm definitely not suited for.

I've read articles on good jobs for introverts. Computer programmer came up. I've tried that. Unless you're writing apps in the privacy of your home, you still have to report to someone.

Self promotion has always been hard for me. Yet I can still force myself to
appear eager during an interview. I hate being forced to do anything. Promotion for writing, however, is another tale, and I can attest that writing is the hardest field for an introvert like me to break into. Not the writing part. That's easy for an introvert. What's hard is the schmoozing that takes place when you're trying to sell your  work.

'If you build it, they will come...' Oh how I wish that were true. Oh how I wish I could just plug all my writing down, oh, say, in a blog, and people would flock to it. Some people make a living blogging. I make pennies a day. I guess what I need are interesting things to say, or images of cats in cute positions.

I love cats but I won't exploit them - much.

I'm at a crossroads here. I have so many things I'd like to do, so many people I'd like to help. And in the process help myself. I've been reading successful blogs, wanting to know what makes them successful. It helps to be famous already. I'm tempted to make use of my name (Michael Fox for those that don't know) and feed off of people who think I'm the actor.

I'm rambling now, aren't I? This is how my mindset works. One idea comes into my head for a minute, then goes out the ears the next, replaced by a different idea. 'Normal' people have no idea how this works. 'Crazy' comes to mind. But as the name of the blog insists, I'm sane.

How do I know this? Well, I'm not certified if that's what you mean. I've never even talked to a psychiatrist. I know I'm sane because I read about insane people, and I see crazier people than I'll ever be every day. I'm sane because they're not. They give me a good sense of what the extreme is. I don't even think I'm borderline crazy. I'm frustrated as hell, but not crazy.

What's the point of this blog? You tell me!

/rant

End of a Bad Week

Well, the whole week wasn't bad, but the last 2 days of it were devastating.
First, Thursday I had put my phone on a table just inside the shelter, while I got the usual search. I apparently forgot to pick it up, and when  remembered about 1 minute later it was gone. Nobody saw anything, which really is a shame.
Anyway, no phone and no cash at the moment tog et a new one. Still waiting on the state tax refund (45 days my ass.)
The second event, much more devastating than the first was the loss of my wallet. I had taken my bus pass out to board the bus, and thought I had put the wallet back in my pocket. When I got off one bus to get on another, I found my wallet gone, about 30 seconds had passed. I went right back to the bus I had just got off of and sure enough, the wallet was gone. the bus driver said someone else had claimed it.
Now, I realize that both these incidents were entirely my fault, but the fact that no one in charge even offered to help me get back my belongings really ticks me off. the thief in the shelter was still in the shelter and the security guard (Wake County Sheriff) did not even bother to help me look. The bus driver only said it was an older guy and did nothing else.
I sometimes wonder if anyone really cares anymore. Let's all go to hell in a hand basket. And you bet this will go into my script! The whole point of the script and through out the script it will be reiterated is: There has to be a better way. We need to care as a society about our homeless, about our jobless, and about each other period.
I can only hope the state tax refund comes soon, and even then I'm going to have to replace my ID before I can cash it. My frustration is building.

Suggestions for Jobs

Since posting my resume, I've received several suggestions on what kind of job I should apply for.
I know what my background suggests. I know that I do not have any legitimate writing experience save my books, my blogs and my screenplays.
I know that my background suggests I stay in tech support. I'm sick to death of phone work. I may be willing to take tech support work if I can work using strictly email or even IM. Sadly, those jobs are few and far between, and are usually outsourced because you can't hear an accent over email or over IM!
So I'm back to what I want to do, which is write. I could take those kinds of jobs I hate, but I'm not that desperate yet. Those kinds of jobs will be around when I am desperate, because they have a high turnover rate, which might lead one to think they aren't the best jobs in the world.
Yet, they are jobs, and if it comes down to it, I'll take one, but I need a break.
So I continue my writing binge. I'm working on scripts, novels, and yes, resumes! I'm working on applying for jobs. I'm working on surviving in a homeless shelter where respect and privacy simply don't exist. I'm not going to complain about it, anymore.  People seem to think I'm ungrateful. So you will hear no more about how bad it is, except to compare it to life in the streets, which is infinitely worse.
So the saga continues, and until something positive happens, you probably won't hear from me!

My 'New' Resume

I've decided to post my new resume on this blog, open to your critiques or even job offers!

Michael Harrison Fox

1420 S Wilmington St

Raleigh, NC 27603

919-457-6919

Mike.fox.wow@gmail.com

Skills:
    Writing skills:  Proofreading, editing, technical writing, creative writing, novel writing, screenplays, ghost writing.
    Computer skills: Troubleshooting, OS Installation, Hardware installation.
PC’s: Microsoft Windows 7, Vista, XP, Microsoft Office 2003-2011, Microsoft Works, Open Office, Firefox, Internet Explorer, Opera, Blogging, Video Producing and Editing.
Apple: OS X 10.4 to 10.6, iMacs, Macbook Pros Safari, iWork, iLife, Final Cut.
Programming Languages: COBOL, Java, JavaScript, HTML, CSS Level 3.
    General Skills: Administrative, Call Center, Management, Technical Support.

Current Experience:

1996-Present     Freelance Writer
                           Job Description: Write, proofread and edit for a variety of clients, including Examiner.com, personal blogs, novels and screenplays.

2010 -2011     Affiliated Computer Services
                       Apple Advisor
                       Answer tech support calls for Apple CPU customers.

2009-2010        Alpine Access
                         CSR
                         Answer tech support calls for Sprint Smartphones.

2005-2010        Sento/Total Outsources Systems
                         CSR/Mentor
                        Answer customer service calls for a variety of clients; act as mentor for Rite Aid rebate program.

Education:

University of Nebraska at Omaha
Associate’s Degree - Broadcast Journalism

Florida State University
Associate’s Degree - Computer Science, French

Publishing Credits:

Personal Blog: http://rantsandravingsofasaneperson.blogspot.com/

Examiner.com credits:
http://www.examiner.com/mmorpg-in-raleigh/dual-boxing-101-starting-out-together

Novels:

Theater Boy - available via amazon.com Kindle
The Timmons Incident - Available via amazon.com Kindle

Screenplays:

The Timmons Chronicles - A proposed television series








REFERENCES AVAILABLE ON REQUEST

Tuesday ups and downs

The Carpenters once recorded a song in the early 70's, "Rainy Days and Mondays." I loved singing along with that song.
Generally speaking Mondays don't get me down, but rainy days do. And Tuesdays, but mostly because of Warcraft being down most of the day.
Today I'm feeling up and down, up because Osama bin Laden is dead, and I got a favorable comment on my script on storyboardtv.com.
Down because I still have not found a job, and unemployment looks each day like it will not come through,. though nothing official yet. I will appeal if it does not go through.
I have done some preliminary work with my 'Working From Homeless' script, mostly character and plot development, and the more I work on that, the more I like it. It's just a matter of time before I have a rough first draft.
Other than that, I spend each day at the library, typing away, surfing, perhaps a bit of playing on the Warcraft PTR, and that's it. I don't get the feeling that I'm accomplishing anything. Maybe that will change when the top 10 of storyboardtv is announced.
So, that's it for this update. You may go back to your merry lives and I will continue mine, and somewhere, we may all find happiness!

Working from Homeless

I was thinking last night (as I'm wont to do), and an idea for a movie occurred to me. Since I live in a shelter currently, the idea of writing something shelter related shouldn't be too big a stretch, but the idea was that a man who lives in a shelter wants to try some of the 'work from home' ideas, while he's living in the shelter and has no rent to pay (though lots of other bills).
So the working title (and I've been told it's an excellent title by two people so far), is 'Working from Homeless.'  I'm still in the 'thinking about it' phase, thinking about what happens to the hero, or anti-hero in this case. I'm going to make him hard to get along with, no one wants to hire him because of that, at times desperate, and willing to try any work at home job at least once.
A friend suggested a love interest, another homeless person, a mother with children, living in a motel. I have to give that some thought. I may make her an acquaintance at first, someone who works at a Starbucks where he is trying to work on his laptop. But I need him to face a crisis in the end. No one wants him, no one loves him, he's about to end it all by diving off a railroad bridge, and she stops him.
Or maybe not. I just don't know where it's going yet. But I will work on it.

Perceptions

I'm going to take a side trail today and not write about writing.
In the last 24 hours, I have had a sinus infection take me from a slightly swollen face to a veritable black eye of a puffy cheek. Now I bring this up because on first glance you might think I had gotten in to a fight. I haven't been in a fight since Junior High. And I lost that one!
So here I was this morning, cheek puffy, seeing people look at me funny all morning, and I rode the bus to the library where I 'work' at my writing, when I pass 3 men in suits, having a conversation outside a cafe in the Cameron Village area of Raleigh.
I thought to myself, wow, they must be important. I wonder what they'd think of me.
And then it hit me. Not literally.
How important you are does not really bear on what you do, or how smart you are or how not smart you are. It has to do with perception. If someone perceives you as important and praiseworthy, then you are.
As I passed those 3 gentlemen earlier today, it dawned on my that because of the way they dressed and acted, I thought they must be important. Someone else, looking at me, no suit, no tie, just a black eye, laptop in a bag and a baseball cap on, one might perceive that I was on a lower caste than those gentlemen. They might look down their noses at me.
I thought about that a little, and it occurred to me that I really don't care what most people think of me. I'm not the suit and tie type. I prefer to wear a cap because outdoors my head can get sunburned! Any important decisions I make have an immediate impact on me, and me alone.
And I like it that way. I don't want to be responsible to other people. What I would like, however, is to entertain people with my writing. And if I make a little money on the side, well that's even better.
So let's put that perception to use in the writing world. (Okay, I lied about not writing about writing.)
I want people to perceive that I'm a writer, but, seriously, how does one do that when they are a complete unknown? I'm terrible at self-promotion, and always will be. I've tried to put the books into the hands of friends, teachers, co-workers in an effort to get them to help me promote it, and, frankly, that's been disappointing.
So, what's next? And how much money will it cost me? Because if there's one thing I've found in all this: If you want to promote, you have to pay. There is no longer that 'If you build it, they will come' attitude. I have to pay someone who puts the book on their 'popular' web site and that will draw readers. I have to pay to enter contests and hope I win.
Well, sorry to say this, promoters, but I'm broke as far as an advertising budget goes. So I'm going to continue what I've been doing (which may lead some to question my sanity) and hope that somewhere along the line, someone notices.
One thing I'd like to try is a recorded book reading (after my black eye fades), posted on my Youtube account, and hope it goes viral. I'd also like to make a book trailer, and perhaps someday I will. Something's gotta work, dammit, Jim!

Writing and the long wait

I've been writing off and on since 1996. Sometimes I can't stop myself from writing, and that's a good thing in most cases. The problem is when I'm doing that, I'm usually writing it by hand instead of using the computer. I have a couple of notebooks filled with scripts for episodes from my would-be TV series, and a year after I finished them, I'm just now getting to the point where I'm typing them into a computer.
I blame Warcraft for that. I got stuck into the same loop I always do when things get somewhat comfortable, and play games.
Now that things aren't so comfortable, I'm back to the point where I'm writing again, and trying to get serious about it. Now, however, I have my laptop again, and can comfortably sit in a local library and type away, or check email, or check various web sites that I've found in my journey.
I can't afford Warcraft, so that particular distraction is gone, but sometimes I get so tired of waiting to hear back from agents, or waiting to get a book review, or waiting to hear if my script is going to win a contest.
Unfortunately for writers who are not well known, this is the norm. I'd love to sit at a cafe all day, writing and sipping a cappuccino, but I'm broke, and the best I can do is to sit at the library, yes it's warm and comfortable, but I'm not comfortable, and that is what's driving my writing lately.
I wonder, given my history, if I need to be out of my comfort zone in order to write effectively.
I certainly hope not, because someday I'd like to make at least a tolerable living using this skill that, I feel, is the best skill I have, and more importantly, is the skill I feel most comfortable using.
Ah well, nothing to do but keep typing, keep hoping the story gets noticed. I do not want to be one of those authors appreciated more after he dies than when he was living.