"If you build it..." - Not

Begin Rant

I am the first to admit that I am lacking marketing skills. I used to work for a Radio Shack way back when, and found that if the people came to me, I could sell to them.

But selling books and websites are not quite the same thing as having a physical location and having products that people want to buy.

In other words, marketing is about shoving things down people's throat until they buy what you have to sell. But I'm not like that.

So far the best I can manage is to put out posts in Facebook and Twitter, which are conveniently linked, and hope someone notices. The first time I ran a free Kindle book promotion, I 'sold' hundreds of copies of 'Theater Boy.' I was very pleased. I ran those promotions regularly with all my books, and slowly the numbers are dwindling.

What I'm trying to say is: I can't even give my books away. Is this a testament to the Amazon.com promotional system? Perhaps others have taken advantage of this to the point where the market is saturated with free books and my own books get lost in the ocean of books that Amazon lists.

Making it as an author in the digital age has proven to be harder than I thought. And the biggest problem is that even when someone buys my books, they rarely leave reviews. I'm not the type to pay someone to review my product, and even if I did, Amazon is becoming better at sniffing the culprits out.

I'm a man of great potential and imagination, but also limited means. I can't afford to hire a publicist. So what am I to do?

I could pull a stunt to get noticed and in the mad rush of the press to interview me as to why I pulled the stunt, I could mention that I have several books available. It would have to be the kind of stunt that grabs the eye of the media, even for a brief moment. Lord knows there's a lot of people whose videos of doing stupid things go viral. I'll be the first to admit I've done stupid things. I'm in the process of finishing a task that a fair amount of people would call stupid, but it's not so stupid as to garner the attention I need.

Let me go off on a tangent for a second to say I do not crave attention. I just want people to read and like my books enough to want to tell other people. I'd be happy just writing and publishing like I have been and letting the readers fall where they may. But there's a part of me that's not satisfied with that. In other words, my creative side is at war with my introverted side.

Getting back to the crazy stunt, what sort of stunt grabs the eyes of the media? Looking at CNN.com as I'm writing this: I could launch a missile. I could yell and scream my way into the Presidential debates. I could escape from jail or prison, but I'd have to do something worthy of going to jail in the first place. Hey, there's another crazy thing I could do.

Or I could die.

But I'd have to either be famous in the first place or die in such an unusual way that I garner attention.

Relax, I'm in no hurry to make a spectacle of myself.

At one point in my life, I traveled the East Coast making videos of everywhere I'd been. You can see the resulting videos on youtube. Every now and then one of them gets a hit. I still get regular hits on videos I made in 2012: How to win playing Sudoku, and a video where I show how to work with a portable washer.

But the idea was to capture a video that would go viral and make some money, at a time when I had no regular income. The money altogether too soon ran out and that idea fizzled.

I still make videos and post them to youtube, but they're gaming videos, and my skills are such that I'm not likely to go viral anytime soon. But the time to renew that concept of traveling and making videos might be returning. I just need to make sure that every video description has a link to my books. Hmmm, there's an idea.

End Rant

Seeing the Bright Side

I will admit that lately I've been very negative on my social media feeds, this one included. So as Thanksgiving approaches, I want to take a look at the bright side of my life.

1) I have a job. Two years ago at this time, I did not have my job, one year ago I had a job that I thought was going to end soon. Now it looks like this job, though contract, will last at least the next 2 years. I am forever grateful for that.

2) I am writing. I finished one book, Regrets, and am working on the sequel. The books are the only thing keeping me sane lately - No, that's a positive thing. I've lived in near insanity for too long in years past.

3) Some of my family and friends care what happens to me. I have a loving daughter and a few co-workers and Facebook friends who have helped me recreate the positive aspects of my life. I am so very proud of her right now, because she's going to college!

4) I have not lost everything. I've been to that dark place where I have lost nearly everything. I may not have everything I want or need, but I at least have something. Most important, I have not lost hope. I almost did back in September and October, but it's still alive in me.

At the moment, that's all I can think of that's positive in my life. I'm really hoping that changes, but for now, I'm singing along with Monty Python.

Write What You Know

As a writer, that mantra has been repeated over and over again: Write what you know.

Of course, if that were really true, there would be no Science Fiction or Fantasy. So what they really mean by that would be: write your characters based on your own experiences.

So for my own characters, at some point in the story they might be:

homeless
struggling
introverted
smart
but not perfecgt (SIC), (Heh, funny that I wrote it like that the first time, then decided not to correct it, since it fit in.),
wandering with no real focus on what they should be doing
naive
but not completely hopeless
trusting
reaching for something, but not knowing what (Goes back to wandering I know)
adept at something they don't like to do, but have to do it to pay the bills
knowing that there's something beyond this life than heaven and hell or purgatory


All of which I have experienced in my lifetime.

In the current Simmons Chronicles series, I've managed to put most of that into several different characters, as well as some life experiences. I hope it makes the characters believable.

As the second part of that series comes to life I'll be adding to that. That book will show a definite decline for a couple of the characters (I won't say which), but since I tentatively titled it 'Darkness' that should be considered a clue. It begins light, then one character falls into darkness, followed - literally by another who is searching for that person as well as searching for him/herself, then both come rising just as things get really dark. The story ends very dark, yet not without hope.

The story of my life.

Life Goals: Finding where my talents lie

In my 54 years of existence, I have tried to be a lot of different things. As a child I went through being a fireman, a pilot and an astronaut. I envisioned myself going into the military and rising the ranks quickly, because both my father and stepfather were in the Air Force. It couldn't be that hard to rise in ranks quickly? amirite?

Talents: Imaginative, but nothing concrete

As I grew older I found my personality had limits, but my imagination did not. Fantastic goals became more realistic. I found things I was better at than most, specifically languages. I took Spanish and French in Junior High and High School. I had a dream of being a translator for the United Nations. I even planned around that, asking my French teacher what school was best for tht kind of career. She suggested Middlebury, in Vermont.

Talents; Languages, spoken and written

I added Middlebury to my dream colleges of Harvard, Yale and Dartmouth. I wanted Dartmouth because my father went there. But when it came to apply and interview for such colleges, Harvard and Yale said no. Dartmouth interviewed me but ultimately said no. Middlebury was also a no-go. I even applied for the Air Force, and they said no, even though my test scores were reasonably high. That was the most unkind cut, because I was sure my fathers' being in it would help. The Army was interested, but I wanted the Air Force, and said no.

So I wound up going to Florida State University and majoring at the start in French, still that dream of being a translator in the back of my mind. But I was also learning other things that piqued my curiosity. I was told computers were a good future, so I took some computer courses and found that I liked them. This was in 1980 or thereabouts. PC's were still being perfected. I worked with mainframes learning programming. I got to the point where French had less appeal and so I committed myself to Computer Science.

Talents: Programming Mainframes

But Computer Science is not an easy major. I found the programming aspect and the logic of it appealing to my personality. I found the necessary math and science courses to be less appealing, and even downright humbling. I had found something I was not good at for the first time: Linear Algebra and Discrete Math. I had to take Discreet Mathematics 3 times before I got a passing grade. It had devastating results on my GPA, leading to my removal from Florida State.

Something I wasn't good at: Higher Mathematics

But in the meantime, I was looking for work, and found a small computer shop willing to take me on as a contract programmer. On one hand I was thrilled at actually putting what I'd learned to good use, but I was too naive when it came to contracts and ultimately, they took advantage of me and did not pay me what I was worth. It was, however, a good experience.

Talents: Learns quickly. Cons: Not quickly enough to avoid being used.

In the coming years I took jobs that had nothing to do with computers: Clerical work for an insurance company and clerical work for a phone company. During that time, I started to study electronics. It was one of those chain 'colleges' that promised more than they could offer, who told me that student loans would cover everything and I wouldn't have to start paying it back until I'd been out of school 6 months. Being as naive as I was, I bought into it.

Talents: Electronics. Cons: still young and trusting.

The long and short of it was: I was pretty good at electronics, but the training was insufficient to find steady work. Another potential career shot down, and I now had student loans to pay back.

Cons: Poor.

It took me another ten years, working sales, clerical and even at a wild-west theme park before I had my first inkling of the career that to this day I am pursuing: writing. I was in a position of relative comfort, working for another phone company doing clerical work, and doing the job well. I wrote a story for the first time. My imagination started to fire up and show me its potential.

Talents: Writing, working menial tasks. Cons: Can get complacent.

My company paid for my re-entrance into college, where I majored in Broadcast Journalism, another area where I had interest. I was curious about doing that, because I had written that story and I thought it would make a good TV series. So I wanted to see what things were like behind the scenes in Television. But the courses I took were mainly for newscasts. Given my lack on on-screen talent, I tried to change that by taking a course called 'Voice of the Actor.'

Talents: The raw materials are there for acting. Cons: I don't want to use them.

Now before we delve into that, you need to understand that throughout my life I've had trouble talking, whether it was publicly or privately, I could not express myself very well vocally. I speak with a soft voice and I stutter, especially when I'm nervous. But in that course I learned a few techniques that might allow me to perform in front of people: Breathing from the diaphragm, pretending the audience wasn't there and things like that. I performed a couple of soliloquies from 'Inherit the Wind,' one of my favorite plays and movies. I did this in front of the class, and I knew they didn't think much of my performance. It didn't matter to me. The teacher was thrilled to get me out of my shell.

Talents: Speaking softly and carrying nothing. Cons: Can't project with any kind of consistency.

I knew I would never be an actor, voice or otherwise, but the whole series of classes gave me a taste of what it would take to produce a TV series.

Unfortunately, my employer ultimately stopped paying for the classes and I made the decision to keep pursuing the 'dream' and began working part-time at TV stations as part of their news crews. I had no delusions of being a reporter, but I gave serious thought to being a director and producer. I was hired as an Associate Director at one station, where for the first six months of the job I worked the camera, the graphics (CHYRON), the audio, and editing and directing short segments. Then they put me into the morning show and really tried to train me and test my directing skills.

Skills: Behind the scenes during a newscast: Camera, audio, graphics, video editing.

All of the training I had done before did not properly prepare me for the stress of directing a live newscast. The directors I worked with made it look easy. When they put me on the live newscast, I sometimes made mistakes on air. That happens with a certain amount of frequency on most newscasts, but I made a few too many on-air mistakes, including one segment where I pushed a graphic too early in the middle of a pet segment and left the reporter seemingly talking to no one.

That freaked out the producer, and ultimately led to my being let go. Life lessons learned? The producer has the real power.

Talents: fast-thinking, Cons: Hands don't always work with the brain

After that I found work in what was a new field for me: Customer Service via the phone. I want to state unequivocally that I hate talking on the phone. But for some reason, I'm good at it. I have a soft speaking voice, and the techniques learned during that voice class paid off. So began a streak of phone work jobs that continues to this day.

Talents: Good phone voice, good computer skills. Cons: I hate it.

And yet, it's not without stress. In a high call volume call center, the stress of going from one call to another forced me to leave several jobs and vow never to do that sort of work again.

Talents: Workhorse, troubleshooting, critical thinking. Cons: No ability to relieve stress.

But the one thing in my life that has not changed throughout my lifetime is my ability to imagine things. I imagine the future; I contemplate the past and try to rework it for a better ending. I come up with stories and within those stories I can - in my mind - become one of my characters. And those characters have some of my traits, and some traits I don't have. For instance, I let my mind wander into that of a female character who is built, is brainy and can sing her heart out. In those interludes I found a talent I never had before: song writing. Because that character has that talent and she sings the songs and I can actually hear her voice singing those songs.

Talents: Song-Writing, character immersion. Cons: no other musical talent. ie: I'm not dexterous enough to play instruments.

But those moments only come when I can meditate in quiet solitude, or when I can block out everything else in my life. This is a talent that took years to develop. In my youth I could not block out extraeneous events. My brain tried to process everything around me, and I didn't realize this until fairly recently, but I'm empathic, and my brain was on overload.

Talents: Empathic, empathetic. Cons: Brain Overload

So now, when things get too stressful for me, I have the means to push it all aside, delve into my imaginary world and life, and cope with the stress better. Overall, I feel like everything is coming together in my life, to make me happier, and to let people better understand me.

Talents: Ability to cope with stress through meditation. Less naive.

I'm much calmer these days, in a job where I feel my talents are being better used, where I have time to use my imagination to create stories and songs, which I hope someday will lead me to a successful career as an artist.

Life goal: Artist.

Story Idea: 'Threads'

I have so many story ideas bursting through my head right now, I'm going to make a point of sharing them all with you!

*Gasp* I hear some of you writers say! 'Michael, don't you know that people *STEAL* ideas over the Internet?'

Yes, I do. In fact, there are elements of my first novel, 'Theater Boy' in the plot of 'The Matrix.' Now I'm not accusing the writer of The Matrix of stealing my material, but I have to say that I didn't even see The Matrix, which came out in 1999, until 2001, and I was dumbstruck. How could another writer steal my ideas?

For the record, I posted snippets of 'Theater Boy' online in 1997. It IS possible that the ideas were stolen, but since the whole story wasn't stolen, I really can't complain. But on the other hand I can't really use those ideas any more because I'd be accused of copying The Matrix.

But my point is,  writers not only steal all the time, but they also come up with similar ideas all the time. My imagination was sparked by 'Star Trek,' and other science fictions shows and novels. But they can't copyright the idea of space travel, or time travel. They might get you if you use the word 'Tricorder' in your writing (unless you write for Star Trek), but other than that, taking a little something from someone else's idea and coming up with something new, is nothing new.

So with that in mind, comes the idea behind 'Threads.' Threads could be a movie, or it could be a TV show. I'm not sure and that's one reason why I'm posting. I'd like your ideas on where to take it. Now there has been some prior influence from other shows that made this come to mind. "Early Edition' comes to mind. This is not, however, the plot to 'Early Edition.'

Meet Oliver Hardy Henry. His mother had a wicked sense of humor. But he has a sense of the future. Whenever he meets someone, he gets a vision of the next ten days in their life. When he gets these vision, he can literally ask himself, 'What if I do this?' and the vision will change accordingly.

Now when Oliver was young, he used to try to help his friends all the time. He'd tell them if they were going to flunk a test, get dumped by a girl, dump a girl, miss the winning basket in the state championship, etc. His friends didn't believe him at first, then got pissed off at him when he was right.

Soon he had no friends, but he did get married.

Now his marriage is on the rocks, and no matter how hard he tries to imagine it working out, he can't see it happening. So he does nothing for his relationship.

He does have a relationship with his children, one of whom is starting show signs that she has the 'gift'. He really has to talk to her, to make sure she doesn't make the same mistakes he did. Like telling bosses what was going to happen, and getting fired. Like playing the lottery, winning, then having the IRS come down on him, like playing the stock market big, and not paying attention to the ten days between his vision and the reality.

So he has learned. As we start the pilot, he's talking to a psychiatrist, explaining all this to him. Explaining that the only way he can live a normal life is to do nothing at all with his gift, or just use it in small doses, like the stock exchange. He sees a stock broker every morning on the subway, and looks at his paper to see where the stocks are headed in ten days. He replays the last 9 days in his head and figures out where to put a small amount of money so he can help pay the bills.

Oliver can't see his own future, only how he affects others. The psychiatrist asks him to tell his future, but Oliver see him dying from a heart attack. He asks himself what if he tells the guy, and he sees the doctor dying on an operating table. He asks the doc: 'You got insurance?' The doc says yes. 'You'll be fine.'

So this is how Oliver leads his life, seeing other people's future lives, but not his own. Until he accidentally bumps into a woman running down the street, and sees her being hit by a car - in less than a minute. He chases after her, leaps in front of her to save her, and only then realizes that he has put his own life in jeopardy by saving her, because she is part of a crime syndicate.

How will Oliver get out of this mess? Why don't you tell me? Okay, he survives, and at the end he lets himself win just enough money to open a detective business. For whatever reason, the secretary he hires is immune to his visions, he can't see her future, and the person who does all the footwork in the business is on the incompetent side.

Can he save his marriage, his daughter, his business and everything else from what will happen in the next ten days?

I'm not opposed to working with someone on this. So if you have Hollywood connections and would like to work with me on this, let's get together.

Life Without A Computer: The Shakes

A little over a week ago, my computer was stolen. It was entirely my fault, and the guy who took it. I was doing laundry and left it on a table, thinking someone was watching it, and the problem was, it was the wrong person. I take full responsibility for its loss. I really felt like running through the cafeteria shouting 'Thief! Baggins!'

But if I ever catch the bastard with balls enough to sneak up behind one of my friends to lift my laptop, he won't be very happy with the results.

I have filed a police report. I was lucky to have the serial number, lifted from an email I had sent to HP for support. I have not heard back yet.

The whole first day after losing my computer I could not sit still. A part of my life was gone. My entire life, in some respects. Then I finally took a pad with paper and pen and started writing. It has been my therapy in the computer's absence. I filled that one pad and bought another and it's a third gone. My right arm is sore, because it gets fatigued rather quickly these days. I'm still waiting to get an MRI approved by VR. I get writer's cramp, like I haven't since, well, the last time I didn't have a computer.

My job search has taken on a new urgency, because I want another computer. Because I don't have somethign I can waste time on. But now the job search is harder. Right now I'm at ESC in Raleigh using their computers to file applications online and write this. I hope the don't mind. But the point is, applying for jobs just got harder.

I borrow computers to check my email. Others in the shelter have computers, but for some reason their wifi's don't work nearly as well as mine did in the shelter. Talk about SLOOOWWWW... But somehow I manage. I can't log onto Facebook as often because of the slow connection. The ESC won't let me log into Facebook, the bastards! The worst part is all my ideas were on the computer. I may come up with them again, but that's not likely.

Well, I'm getting bugged to stop typing, so that's it for now. But I will try to post as regularly as I can about this. After all, a writer shouldn't be afraid to write without a computer.

Random Randomness

We survived yet another apocalypse prediction! Yay us!

A few random thoughts and then I'll let you go on your way:

1. Talk of what the "Fiscal Cliff" will do to our economy: Stock markets will tumble, we'll all pay higher taxes, the economy will stop its recovery.

Bullshit. Yeah, things might seem bad at first, but the thing I've learned about the stock market: It goes down. Then it goes up! Then it goes down again, and then goes up, inching higher and higher until something happens that 'corrects' it. This is one of those corrections. And guess what? When the stocks tumble someone with a lot of money will pick up those stocks that tumbled and then eventually turn a profit on them. Let's make them pay taxes on it! Then the government will have money to do the things it needs to do without borrowing.

2. Speaking of borrowing, I had an idea the other day. I know, I get too many ideas. And not enough money to make them happen. Well I've decided to concentrate my efforts. Not on Mike's News Hangout, though there will be news on that shortly. Project Five Star will have to wait. I'm going to concentrate my efforts on my writing. *GASP* Yes, the one thing I have proven talent in. Some may suggest that talent isn't very good, but I'm going to work on it.

You've seen my 'Shy Boy' snippets here. I want to turn that into a script. I want to sell that script. Now I could and will work on that while I'm homeless (makes for a better background story) but the shelter wants me to find a job, and I can't tell them my job is a writer, when I have no income. Eventually they'll get tired of that and force me to leave.

Instead, I'd like to find a benefactor, a patron, who can provide me with living expenses while I finish that and other scripts. I think you'll find I can survive off a very tiny sum of money compared to others.

I've tried the 'crowdsourcing' methods. I've tried asking for money directly. I know I don't qualify for a loan, so I'm asking one person, with more money than they can use, to help me out.

What do I have to offer in return? To pay back the loan with interest when I sell a script; to give you credit as a benefactor when I win an Oscar ;-); to donate signed copies of my scripts to you that may be worth something someday.

And my everlasting gratitude.

3. My videos have made a record setting (for me) amount of money this month, and it's not over. As of right now, I've made $10.66 for the month of December from AdSense, and the total made is $60.84. I know, to others it's not much, but to this poor homeless person it's a small fortune. I don't get any of it until it breaks $100, though, and then we start over. Please watch my videos and click on the ads!

That's all the randomness I can generate at the moment. Have a wonderful New Year!

Living Will

In my medical front office class, we've been discussing ethics and other juicy tidbits. One of the things that came up was a Living Will.

I've already let my daughter know my wishes, but just to clarify matters here's my version of a living will:

I, Michael Harrison Fox, being of sound mind and body (at the moment), do hereby set forth my wishes for all to see on this 10th day of November, 2012.

1. If I am incapacitated in any way, I expect doctors to take every action necessary to save my life. I don't care if I don't have insurance, and have no money. I'm fighting for every moment of life I can have.

2. If the above actions don't have a happy result, and I die, I want to be cremated and dump my ashes in the nearest trash can. You may have a memorial if you like where you can badmouth me, I won't care. I won't be looking down at you. I fully expect my soul to have found a new body way before then.

3. If I have any belongings or assets that aren't taken by my creditors, they can go to my daughter. She knows who she is. And to the creditors who will stand in line: My mother was fond of an old saying: "You can't get blood from a turnip." And I might add: "You don't get warm blood from a dead body."

4. If I have any other heirs, first, I'll be shocked. Let's face it, I'll be dead, so, no I won't be shocked. Second, I doubt there will be much to go around. I've never been good at managing money. Sorry.

5. I am a registered organ donor. If I die, you may take any organs that aren't already diseased or rotted away and put them into bodies of those that need them. Just, please, be sure I'm dead before you do it. I'd hate to wake up and find my liver missing. Not that I'd wake up from something like that.

6. When I die, I leave my writing to the world. If any money is made from it, it goes to my daughter. My only question is: Why did you wait until I'm dead to enjoy it?

That is all. I hope it will be 40 years before this goes into effect, but then, I don't get my way very much any more. I'll fight to the end, though!

Taking a Beating - er, Physical Therapy

I had my first encounter yesterday with Physical Therapy.

The first thing the therapist says is that there's nothing more he can do with the knee without surgery. I'm tempted to take that to Social Security to see if I can get a disability claim for it.

The next thing he does is examines the shoulder. It appears the shoulder is 'frozen' or locked into place. He made some measurements of how far he can move the arm, and then began probing around the arm and shoulder. He found a spot behind the shoulder that is extremely sore and he worked that hard.

He tells me that the 'capsule' of the shoulder might be torn or damaged and that might affect the mobility of the shoulder. The only way to tell is with an MRI, or surgery, neither of which I can afford - still no insurance. But he says he can work around that so that in the next 4 weeks I should get some mobility back, especially when reaching behind. He did mention that my deltoid muscle might be partially torn, and that might also affect movement.

He gave me several exercises to try, and a day after taking my first beating, I thought maybe there was some increased mobility, but it quickly froze again.

So the bottom line is that I have to see this guy twice a week for the next 4 weeks and we'll see where it goes from there.

On the good news side, I have started putting more effort into my 'Shy Boy' story, and have posted the first part of the story on my hub pages account.

I still have not heard from Vocational Rehab, and I'm still hopeful that I will. They have 60 days to respond.

I have been posting for jobs, and still have not received a call back on any of them. Not sure what's going on. But I am trying.

All in all, not a bad week so far, and I will continue to work on my writing during my spare time. Let's face it, I have more spare time than I want. But sometimes the muse doesn't visit me and my mind draws a blank. *it happens!

As always, thanks for reading!

A Reflection on My Past

All right, my mind is back in writing mood after spending some time questioning my sanity.

I want to reflect a little on my youth and how being INTP made for some misdiagnoses when I was young. This is part of the basis for my 'Shy Boy' script.

I'm told I didn't talk much when I was a baby. Possibly some doctor or another thought I was underdeveloped in my speech patterns. I can remember going to speech therapy, but I don't remember what it was that was discussed. I don't remember the therapy, in other words.

I know I stuttered badly, and at times I still do. I don't think in a stutter, though. I stutter because my mind goes faster than my body. That's just my personal opinion. My mind is way ahead of my ability to say the word. Think of the guy from the old Fed Ex commercials talking a mile a minute. That's my thought process. I still talk relatively fast, and sometimes too fast for my body and mind to be in sync.

I have to feel for my mother, now that I think about it. She had 5 kids to deal with most of whom are extroverts, loud and demanding, and then there's me. I'm quiet, I don't ask for much. I just read by myself, play by myself and don't talk much. This describes me to this day. Why couldn't I be normal so she can ignore me like she did the other kids? I'm joking, for the most part. She was a wonderful cook, cleaner, wiper of noses (and mine needed serious wiping) and caretaker of the sick. But from my point of view, she never sat down and really talked to me. Or if she did I tuned her out and let my mind go on its merry way. Maybe she gave up. I know my stepfather thought I had no personality, because I overheard him one day, when I was around 10 or 11, telling my mother that. That will be part of my script.

Extroverts wear their personalities on their sleeves, there for the taking, and they can't understand why introverts, especially INTP's don't show it. I HAVE a personality. If you read my writing, you'll see that. If you could tune into my brain, you can see it in action. Maybe this is why I can't get this script written down, because it's my personality I'm showing, not some other character's. Yet when I give the personality to another character, like Bobby Timmons, I have no problem showing it.

About being misdiagnosed: I'm sure some doctor or another told my mother I was autistic. I was never given any drugs for that. I was given drugs for all kinds of things, like Bronchitis, or acne when I was older, (damn you tetracycline!) but never anything for that. I'm grateful that my mother was smart enough to know that drugs would not have helped my personality.

When I was in first grade, I had two different teachers. The first one was named Mrs. Zwerblia or something like that. She was mean, vicious and liked to take me into the coat room and give me the paddle when I wasn't paying attention. I was miserable. My mother went to the school, and got me into another class, with Mrs. White. She was an angel, and I made it through first grade thanks to her patience.

Back then, and even today to a certain degree, people and teachers don't know how to react to an INTP child. 'Why isn't he more outgoing? Why doesn't he pay attention in class? Why doesn't he get along well with others?' I'm sure my mother asked these questions and I know the teachers did.

There's no point to this blog. I'm just in a reflective mood and needed to vent. If you are introverted or INTP and wonder if there are others out there like you, yes, there are. INTPcentral.com is a good place to start finding them.

Thanks, as always, for reading!

The Evolution of My Sanity

I was bored the other day and started looking at my blog archives. When I started this blog I was working for Alpine Access, from home. I didn't get out much because it was cold and I was poor. But I was working, and playing, and writing (Oh My!).

The first blogs were me explaining myself, my personality, a little about my job and a little about my gaming. Then things started getting serious as I became homeless for the first time in 5 years.

I realized that I have not had a 'permanent' home since 2010. I've lived outside the shelter for short periods. But I haven't had a place to call my own in that long.

Maybe that's for the best for me. I've found if I'm too comfortable then I don't want things to change. And I DO want things to change. I want my writing to be 'discovered' and paid for. I want my videos to be 'discovered' and generate ad income. I want - in short - for people to discover me, and that is what bothers me the most - not that I haven't been discovered so much but that I'd WANT to be discovered.

I've been an introvert my entire life. I don't even know how anyone can be anything but an introvert or an extrovert, but apparently it's possible for some people to switch between worlds. But the point is, I'd like nothing better than to be alone for the better part of my life. But sadly for me, unless you inherit money, and I didn't, you gotta work to pay the bills, or live off the land, which I'm definitely not suited for.

I've read articles on good jobs for introverts. Computer programmer came up. I've tried that. Unless you're writing apps in the privacy of your home, you still have to report to someone.

Self promotion has always been hard for me. Yet I can still force myself to
appear eager during an interview. I hate being forced to do anything. Promotion for writing, however, is another tale, and I can attest that writing is the hardest field for an introvert like me to break into. Not the writing part. That's easy for an introvert. What's hard is the schmoozing that takes place when you're trying to sell your  work.

'If you build it, they will come...' Oh how I wish that were true. Oh how I wish I could just plug all my writing down, oh, say, in a blog, and people would flock to it. Some people make a living blogging. I make pennies a day. I guess what I need are interesting things to say, or images of cats in cute positions.

I love cats but I won't exploit them - much.

I'm at a crossroads here. I have so many things I'd like to do, so many people I'd like to help. And in the process help myself. I've been reading successful blogs, wanting to know what makes them successful. It helps to be famous already. I'm tempted to make use of my name (Michael Fox for those that don't know) and feed off of people who think I'm the actor.

I'm rambling now, aren't I? This is how my mindset works. One idea comes into my head for a minute, then goes out the ears the next, replaced by a different idea. 'Normal' people have no idea how this works. 'Crazy' comes to mind. But as the name of the blog insists, I'm sane.

How do I know this? Well, I'm not certified if that's what you mean. I've never even talked to a psychiatrist. I know I'm sane because I read about insane people, and I see crazier people than I'll ever be every day. I'm sane because they're not. They give me a good sense of what the extreme is. I don't even think I'm borderline crazy. I'm frustrated as hell, but not crazy.

What's the point of this blog? You tell me!

/rant

Writing Screenplays About Family

Okay the revolution within my body has been quelled for the most part, though I am experiencing pain still both on the chest and the shoulder. I am better able to concentrate on my writing.

I am attempting to write a screenplay based on events of my past, basically following me from ages 1 to 10, when I had issues knowing who I was and getting teased relentlessly by a group of girls.

My question today, though, is has anyone written such a script, and did you have to change the names to protect family members? Part of me wants to not change names, and part of me is worried about getting sued by family members who are not portrayed in the best light (but are portrayed honestly).

Should embarrassing yet entertaining bits be left out? Should I present my mother the way I saw her, risking drawing the ire of my entire family? Should I write it as fiction and not mention that events are based on something that actually happened?

And the biggest question of all: Can I get help writing it? If you have screenwriting experience, I need your help. I'm so close to the story that I have had trouble writing it for the last 20 years. So I need someone who's concern will be to listen to my ideas and stories and put them into a coherent script. I'd share credit.

I'm almost tempted to write it in the form of a book first, that way I can get the story on my computer, but I'm afraid I can't even do that.

*Sigh* It's a good story too, full of child-like wonder, imagination, and a family that, looking back on it, would leave the rest of the planet in stitches.

Well, that's all for today. Leave a comment if you're interested in helping, or send an email to mike.fox.wow at gmail.com.

New Excerpt from my WIP

Note: Aperians are short humanoids who live a long, long time. Atrelle is one who has devoted herself to Chloe.

The Aperian sitting in front of me smiled warmly. “Mistress, I understand your frustration with my people, but too many of them are happy and healthy living under Androsian rule.” Her face was lined with care and her 750 years showed in the form of gray hair on her head and deeply placed eyes.

I nodded at her. “Madame Yrnop, I appreciate all the work you’ve done for me. I know you’ve risked life and limb for a free Aperia. But I can’t free them if they don’t want to be.”

She smiled again. “Yet I will continue to fight the Androsians, even if it is behind the scenes. You may continue to access my computer to gather what information you can. I’m sorry that my people cannot be more cooperative.”

I smiled. “If only they were even remotely cooperative. Even your own staff can’t be trusted.”

Madame Yrnop sighed. “They are loyal to Aperia first and me second. Still, you have been able to hide - how do you say it - in plain sight - for the last five years. I would consider that an accomplishment by itself.”

I lost myself in thought for a moment. “What was Aperia like before the Androsians?”

She half-smiled and then grew wistful. “When I was born, Aperia was only just starting to explore our own solar system. But even then we had the most marvelous curiosity, as a whole. There are few Aperians, even now, who are not curious or enterprising when it comes to exploration. We built cities, just as you see now. We built them everywhere, on the land, under the oceans, in orbit and on our moons. By the time I was 100, we had gone from exploring the solar system to developing our first warp engines. We progressed so fast, but we had no idea what lay out there.” She pointed up.

“We had no idea that the other intelligent species would all be larger than us, and most of them were more aggressive. We had built an economy on our planet where few people were poor. We were never sick. We were all industrious. We all worked hard. I have learned quite a bit about your race over the last five years, both from you and Atrelle. Many of you are as industrious as we are, but not all. Many of you are content to let others do the work. Our people do not understand the concept of retirement. We work hard until we die.

“We traveled to a system outside our own for the first time about 500 years ago. Then we met our first alien race: the Sysrowians. Here we found a race similar to ours, if a little bit larger. They were also industrious, but their customs were different, their languages seemed harsh to our ears. And most importantly, they would not share technology with us. We left them to their own devices and pushed further into the galaxy.”

She sighed. “And that is when we met the Androsians for the first time. We were overwhelmed from the beginning, attacked before we could even start to defend ourselves. I was on that first ship, Mistress. We were captured, we were tortured, and we were raped.”

I reached out and touched her shoulder. I could not drop my antibiotic shield, but I could still feel her pain.

She sighed. “When the Androsians discovered where our home planet was, they not only destroyed our world, wiping out most of my people, but they also attempted to destroy the Sysrowians. But they fought back and very nearly pushed the Androsians back.” She started to cry. “Our people helped the Androsians to defeat the Sysrowians.” She broke down in tears. “And I have been bearing the guilt of that deed ever since. My own father told us that the Sysrowians would not help us, so we should not help them. But when I pleaded with him to not help the Androsians conquer Sysrow, he called me weak. He sold me into sexual slavery with the Androsians, and it was not until he died, 75 years ago, that I was released from that bond.”

She trembled. “And now you see why I must help my people to gain their independence. Why I must help the Sysrowians to gain theirs. I will do anything I can to accomplish that mission, even give my life, though little enough time is left for that. You must make them see that your way is the best way, that a free Aperia can live in peace with its neighbors and still be profitable. I have faith in you, Mistress.”

She touched my arm. “No one should be punished for simply being curious and ingenious enough to follow the stars.”

I nodded. She smiled and stood. I stood also and took her hand. I led her to the door and hugged her before she left. She looked back at me and I could see the pleading in her eyes. “You have the power to make a difference. Let it be for peace!” She turned and walked out the door.

I felt a touch at my elbow. I turned to see Atrelle, her eyes red from crying. I hugged her tightly.

End of One Bad Year, and Now ???

2011 has not exactly been a banner year for me, except on how to burn bridges, go nearly insane from stress and then have my sanity tested in a homeless shelter.

I could say out with the old and in with the new, but I don't really expect the job market to open up come January 1, 2012. That won't stop me from applying to jobs, but I really think I need to concentrate on my writing, on blogging and getting noticed as a blogger and writer. I've heard of people making a living like that, and I'd like to be one of them.

So for me the first week of the new year means finishing the recuperation from my surgery, and probably spending less time playing games and more time writing. Not that I won't play games to relieve stress, but I can't obsess with them like I want to!

No, I'm going to work on various projects, try to find freelance assignments, and hope to keep myself in the shelter long enough to find a permanent place to stay. I'm tempted to see if I qualify for some sort of disability. I have a bad back, which precludes me from working physical labor. I have Diabetes and High Blood Pressure. Could all that net me the 'check' that some other people get each month? Most of them waste it on drugs, though. That's not a problem with me.

I received a gift card from my sister the other day, and took stock on what I really need before I went out and bought anything. So here is a partial list for those who are interested:

1. Pants, any kind, waist 42, length 28-30, the lower end of that if possible, but they are hard to find.

2. A new pair of suspenders. The old pair is getting raggedy. One size fits all. No buttons, just clasps.

3. Underwear, size 42. I have plenty of socks at the moment, thanks for asking.

4. A place to live comfortably until I can get back on my feet. If anyone wants to chip in for an apartment, that's okay with me. I can live in a surprisingly small space. Even when I had an apartment, I spent most of my time in one room, the one with the computer. I'll need Internet access too!

5. A bus pass. 31 day would be delightful, the more the better. They're $36 at Moore Square, or at Harris Teeter stores.

6. Time to write and a list of names of the people who can help me do something with my writing, as in sell it.

7. A year's subscription to Warcraft! Or even a 60 day game card. Some might consider that a luxury, but really, the game helps me relax like nothing else can.

8. If I'm doomed to stay in the shelter, shampoo would be nice. Razors, too.

9. And the most important thing of all: A job. I can do most things writing, I can do customer service, but at the moment can't work from home. I can do most things Administrative and quite a few things with a computer. I don't claim computer perfection, just above average.

10. Ultimately, I'd like to get Project Five-Star off the ground. If enough money comes in it solves the problem of me not having a job, and will give help to others like me as well. I figure $25,000 for starters will get it off the ground and into an office. More money will allow me to hire people to raise even more money. I don't consider this a pipe dream. I think this is workable and sustainable. I'd even accept someone willing to cosign a loan with me to help get this started. But then, that's up to you.

That's all I'm asking for. Some of it reasonable, some a bit unreasonable, but the bottom line is it's not much for those that have money.

Yahoo Contributor Network

A few days ago, I responded to an email asking me to submit something for the Yahoo Contributor network, something I had never heard about before (See link on sidebar). On the site you can choose from a variety of assignments, or you can simply submit an article, a video, an audio clip and anything else you've put together, and hopefully get some money out of it. The first assignment I took was a short story with a Western theme. I took a few days to write it and submitted it just yesterday. It does take a few days for the editors to post if, if appropriate, and then they post the story on their web site. I'm still waiting on confirmation for my story, but the idea for this blog is to share the possibilities of making money from writing and other sources of media with my readers here. I also saw an assignment asking for Occupy videos that would pay $15. I did submit one of my unused Occupy Raleigh videos, but I don't known if they can use it or not, and I'm not worried if they decline it.

But what I wanted to share, from my point of view, is that I need to get back into writing fiction, and this may be the perfect outlet for it. And being part of the Yahoo network, it may get me more notice than putting something on my blog, for instance. not that there's anything wrong with posting your writing on a blog, but Google AdSense just doesn't pay much!

So here's my good deed for the day. If you're a writer, looking for venues in which to make some money for your writing, check out the Yahoo Contributor Network! And I'll let you know if I make any money on it.

You’ve Been Running Through My Mind

There’s an old, bad pickup line which goes something like: “You must be exhausted. You’ve been running through my mind all day.” What follows is an example of what has been running through my mind in say, the last 24 hours. Any wonder I’m exhausted?

Writing projects: I have stories that I like to test by going through the entire story in my mind before committing it to the computer. It helps me to determine if the story has a future or not. Some of those projects that I think about every day include:
   
    The Timmons Chronicles - Like the story itself, the writing process for this book/TV series has taken many turns. I have written 11 episodes in script form, and after reviewing what I deemed to be good episodes, I have determined that I have revealed too much too fast. The pace is staggering. So I’m in the process of rewriting the series, starting slowly and trying to be like ‘Lost’ in that the most astounding elements of the plot will be revealed slowly, through flashbacks. Status: Rewrite!

    The Adventures of Mistress Chloe - This story has been running through my mind for years, it seems. I’ve only just started to commit it to the computer. It’s about an old soul that goes from body to body, and somehow retains its memories from life to life. I’m into year 4000 now. Amazing  how many lifetimes I can conjure up in such a short time. Status: Ongoing.

    New Rome - This is a book/movie project I’ve also been thinking about this for a long time, but have committed very little to computer. It’s about a Roman officer, the first Renaissance Man, a man of many talents and ambitions, who gets exiled and put on a boat in the middle of the Atlantic, somehow makes it to the New World, and then goes about teaching his new-found Native American friends all about Rome and the evil it will bring when it comes. The project is ambitious because it will span many generations. Mostly it’s on hold because of the research involved, not only of Roman times, but of Native American languages and culture.  Status: On hold for research.

    Working From Homeless - This story actually led to my creating Project Five-Star. Semi-autobiographical, it takes a look at how shelter life can drive a man to attempt suicide. Status: Ongoing.

    The Shy Boy - Also semi-autobiographical, this story is based on events from my youth where three girls teased me to no end by chanting ‘Shy Boy! Shy Boy.’ If it goes as planned, the boy in the movie creates an imaginary friend: Wile. E. Coyote.  I was a big Roadrunner fan at the time. Status: Still in the thinking process.

Programming projects: Some of you may not realize it, but I have some education and skills in programming. I’ve thought about writing iPhone apps, but mostly I think about World of Warcraft Add-ons like this:

    OneofTen: This add-on/external program is a tool to aid multi-boxers in managing their characters. If you don’t know what that means, look at my youtube page. I use someone else’s add-on and external program to help me out there, but they really don’t do what I want them to do. So I’m learning how to program in both Java (Netbeans) and Lua, which is the scripting language used by Warcraft for its add-ons. The idea is to be able to control two or more characters from one screen, and my ultimate fantasy is to be able to do a 10-man raid by myself. It’s a fantasy because I’d need to buy 9 more versions of the game, and pay $15/month for each account in order to make it work, not to mention have either one blazingly fast computer or 3 or more very fast computers networked together. I have two computers, neither of which is fast in the least, and one of those is unavailable at the moment. Yet I will work on this project for my own future benefit and maybe to make some money on someday. Status: Ongoing.

Of course, my ultimate project is Project Five-Star, which I am reminded of every time someone does something stupid in the shelter. In other words, half my day is spent thinking about that. I’ve been thinking in the last day that I want to record the song: ‘The Job’s Not Done’ and try to get some sales generated for it. The words to the song appear at the beginning of my book, and also on my Facebook page. I’m currently trying to enlist a volunteer band which includes a lead singer, bass guitar, keyboard and drummer, because while I may be able to write, I can’t sing or play an instrument in the least. So if you know of any bands out there willing to record for free, I’d be willing to share profits! I’m also going to start putting together some of the video I’ve managed to record at the shelter (Hush, hush!) and record other things that I will post on Project Five-Star’s own you tube page. I’m doing what my limited social skills allow me to do to promote the project. I really need a staff!

And somewhere in my daily process, I find time to apply for jobs. I do not apply for any and every job out there. I apply for jobs where I have the skills, and where I know I’ll be comfortable. That by itself is not an easy process. Which is why I’m concentrating on either Project Five-Star, or selling my own works in order to make money.

I’ve got so much going through my mind that I find it difficult to concentrate on any one project for any length of time. If I had money I’d hire a personal assistant who would cook and clean for me, prod me to stop playing Warcraft or Civilization V and write or program or fund-raise and prod me to exercise (not necessarily in that order). Any volunteers? And can I stay with you? I’d share profits from any sales I made! Really I will!

So now you see what I think about on a daily basis. A lot of people may wonder ‘What do you do all day and why aren’t you working?’ Well, I am working. I’m not getting paid to do it, but I’m still putting in as much time every day doing the things I do as you do in your normal job. Probably more, because my thought process doesn’t end until I fall asleep at night, and even then, it’s a struggle, because my brain won’t let me! I still have things to think about!

New booklet published

Yesterday I finished the book I have been working on regarding Project Five-Star. Today I used Createspace.com to make a book cover for it and get ready to make it available at their site and at amazon.com. If I had an extra $40 to spare, I'd be able to make it available at other resources, but for now this will do.

I also sent emails to The O'Reilly Factor and Piers Morgan Tonight, hoping to get some publicity for it. I haven't heard back yet but I'll post when I do. if I don't hear from them, I'll try other sources.

I don't have the amazon.com link yet, but I'll post when it's ready. I'm looking forward to promoting this book. It's a cause that's near and dear to me!

Dopey Malopie

All right, first, I want to say that I have no idea where the name for this character I created came from. My imagination must have taken a left turn at Albuquerque or something.
Yes, the name of my main character on my proposed children's book is Malopie, rhymes with Dopey. Malopie Miller. I haven't settled on an age yet, but I think she'll (yes she) be around 7 or 8.
I had planned on calling the book Magic Malopie, but first that would have made it hard to pronounce the name correctly, and well, at first, she is kind of Dopey. So Dopey Malopie gives kids and parents a base for pronouncing the name right, and it's kind of funny.
So what's the premise? Malopie isn't good at anything, except telling people how to pronounce her name. She can't play soccer, she trips over the ball. She can't even jump rope. She can't add without using her fingers and toes and her handwriting is unreadable. She has tried and tried to find something she is good at but can't find it. Then on her birthday she receives a magic kit and finds she can not only do the tricks in the kit, but she can make up her own tricks. Card tricks especially. Near the end she makes herself a wand out of paper mache and a drumstick, and tries to teach others about magic. At the end she is no longer called 'Dopey Malopie', but is now called 'Magic Malopie,' which could lead to a whole series of books like that.
Now, I've never written a children's book. I'm not sure what age group it would appeal to, whether it should be a picture book (though I get a picture in my head of the wand, a barber pole style of color (every color) and a light at the end her father puts on.) or even a pop up book.
So, I need help. If you are an experienced writer of children's books and want to collaborate with me on this, we can make a partnership. Send me an email at mike.fox.wow 'at' gmail.com, and we'll talk about it.
Beyond that, the lesson learned, and this is something I've believed in my whole life, is that everyone is good at something, you just need to dig deep enough to find out what!

A Good Weekend!

On Saturday morning, I met a friend who had invited me to see a movie with her. 'Pirates of the Caribbean.' It was a most enjoyable afternoon, spent away from the stagnancy that is the shelter. The movie was better than expected as well! I may write about that later.
When I did get back to the shelter, one of the staff told me I had a check waiting for me. I was elated, the NC DOR had come through. I found, though, that the check was not delivered through the normal mail system that the shelter uses. In fact, checks are held in a back office. I was not aware of this and had been checking the mail every day in anticipation. When I did get the check, I found that it had been delivered 5/17 and had been sitting in the back office since then. Why no one bothered to tell me this is anyone's guess.
I could rant about that, but I'll have a chat with the center director at a later time.
Also on Saturday night, I was doing a bit of daydreaming, as is my wont, and my imagination came up with a children's story, or at least the framework for it. I've had a chance to think about it consciously for a day and a half now and I think it could work. But that I will discuss in another blog, because I'll need help on this one.
On Sunday, I cashed my check and bought a new phone. Feels good to be connected again and have a number potential employers can call. I also bought some underwear and socks, something potential employers would appreciate if I get to the interview stage.
I checked into Cricket, but I think I'll wait until I get a few more dollars under my belt before I commit to that.
So overall, I had a very happy weekend and I'm looking forward to the week for a change! I'll post another blog shortly about my book proposal.

A Plan Forms, Muhahahaha

The title is a bit misleading. My scripts aren't what I'm writing about, but my writing is.
Confused yet? Good.
The point is, I need to find something that will bring in money. I'd like it to be writing. Something that will buy me some time and some cash until I find out how well I did on the storyboardtv.com contest.
So with that in mind, I intend to use textbroker.com to generate sufficient income to keep my case worker off my back and save some money.
Textbroker.com is a site where you select the project you want to work on. The project is usually 3-400 words, more than likely ad copy for someone who doesn't want to spend a lot of money hiring a real ad writer. For your 3-400 words, you get (usually) $3-4. Not much, is it. Sometimes you get more, but not very often.
So for me to make this work, and to generate income high enough to at least buy some time, I'm going to have to write (I figure) 2 articles an hour.
Now the beauty of this, is I can write at any time. Except you need internet access to be able to do that, and the shelter has no wifi.
So I intend to get Cricket broadband, and pay $40/month for the basic service. It will be a tax write off, and I'll need it, because this is contract work. I can also write off my computer. The hard part will be driving off the people in the shelter who want to 'borrow' my internet.
NO! I'm practicing saying that even now. I don't mean to be rude, but I'M WORKING HERE!
Or I will be, once I get a little cash together for the modem and the service. I'm really looking forward to it!
That's all for now. I will report on the profitability of this at a later date.