Saturday, September 29, 2012

A Reflection on My Past

All right, my mind is back in writing mood after spending some time questioning my sanity.

I want to reflect a little on my youth and how being INTP made for some misdiagnoses when I was young. This is part of the basis for my 'Shy Boy' script.

I'm told I didn't talk much when I was a baby. Possibly some doctor or another thought I was underdeveloped in my speech patterns. I can remember going to speech therapy, but I don't remember what it was that was discussed. I don't remember the therapy, in other words.

I know I stuttered badly, and at times I still do. I don't think in a stutter, though. I stutter because my mind goes faster than my body. That's just my personal opinion. My mind is way ahead of my ability to say the word. Think of the guy from the old Fed Ex commercials talking a mile a minute. That's my thought process. I still talk relatively fast, and sometimes too fast for my body and mind to be in sync.

I have to feel for my mother, now that I think about it. She had 5 kids to deal with most of whom are extroverts, loud and demanding, and then there's me. I'm quiet, I don't ask for much. I just read by myself, play by myself and don't talk much. This describes me to this day. Why couldn't I be normal so she can ignore me like she did the other kids? I'm joking, for the most part. She was a wonderful cook, cleaner, wiper of noses (and mine needed serious wiping) and caretaker of the sick. But from my point of view, she never sat down and really talked to me. Or if she did I tuned her out and let my mind go on its merry way. Maybe she gave up. I know my stepfather thought I had no personality, because I overheard him one day, when I was around 10 or 11, telling my mother that. That will be part of my script.

Extroverts wear their personalities on their sleeves, there for the taking, and they can't understand why introverts, especially INTP's don't show it. I HAVE a personality. If you read my writing, you'll see that. If you could tune into my brain, you can see it in action. Maybe this is why I can't get this script written down, because it's my personality I'm showing, not some other character's. Yet when I give the personality to another character, like Bobby Timmons, I have no problem showing it.

About being misdiagnosed: I'm sure some doctor or another told my mother I was autistic. I was never given any drugs for that. I was given drugs for all kinds of things, like Bronchitis, or acne when I was older, (damn you tetracycline!) but never anything for that. I'm grateful that my mother was smart enough to know that drugs would not have helped my personality.

When I was in first grade, I had two different teachers. The first one was named Mrs. Zwerblia or something like that. She was mean, vicious and liked to take me into the coat room and give me the paddle when I wasn't paying attention. I was miserable. My mother went to the school, and got me into another class, with Mrs. White. She was an angel, and I made it through first grade thanks to her patience.

Back then, and even today to a certain degree, people and teachers don't know how to react to an INTP child. 'Why isn't he more outgoing? Why doesn't he pay attention in class? Why doesn't he get along well with others?' I'm sure my mother asked these questions and I know the teachers did.

There's no point to this blog. I'm just in a reflective mood and needed to vent. If you are introverted or INTP and wonder if there are others out there like you, yes, there are. INTPcentral.com is a good place to start finding them.

Thanks, as always, for reading!