Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Intro Part V - Personal

All right. We've covered some of the basics of my life - very basic, so let's get personal. What would you like to know? I feel like I'm in an interview and I've never been good at interviews, because of the aforementioned dislike for talking, and because I'm basically a shy, awkward person.
Back when I was 10, I lived in Tampa Florida, and there were 3 girls in the neighborhood who teased me ruthlessly because I was shy. 'Shy Boy, Shy Boy', they'd chant. It hurt. I've tried to put how I feel in writing, either in a short story form, or in a script, and it's just too painful, too personal. Yet I feel it's a story that needs to be told, so one of these days I'll write it.
Yet there have been times I've tried to break out of my shell, later to discover it just wasn't me. I'm not meant to be the life of the party. So I've stopped trying.
Another thing that doesn't help my ability to come out of my shell is the numbers of moves I've made. It started I guess at birth because I was born in France, to an Air Force pilot and his wife. My father died when I was a year old (literally 2 days after my birthday), in a plane crash. My mother took us back to the states, and we moved from New Hampshire to North Carolina before my 5th birthday.
Then she went and married another Air Force pilot, and the merry go round started fresh. From North Carolina to Arizona, Arizona to Florida, Florida to England, England to Alabama, when I graduated high school.
Then I went to college in Florida, never finished school, moved to a different part of Florida, then to Nevada, Massachussetts, Connecticut, New York, Arizona, Colorado, Nebraska, Virgina, and finally back to North Carolina, where I've lived for about as long as any other place.
I suppose I've been 'searching for myself.' trying to feel comfortable somewhere. But I've never really called someplace home, and that stems from my childhood.
It could not be helped. Most of my other family members have been able to settle down from when they turned adults, I just was never able to adjust. I don't consider it a bad thing. I've probably seen more of the U.S. than most people. But I have a sense of restlessness when I stay in one place too long.
I wish I could travel more, actually visiting places rather than living someplace for a while then moving on. If I could make a living writing, I could do that, or if I could find some way to telecommute that would be ideal, but I guess for now I'll just have to settle in. One thing about this current job: I can do it from almost anywhere!